How to Get Better at Everything: Physical, Spiritual, Social, & Vocational

takes us from death to life, from the grave to glory, from shame to honor, from folly to wisdom, from sickness to health. In salvation, Christ is creating a new humanity in himself, a people zealous for good works. This work of salvation touches not just the spiritual self, but every part of what it means to be human. In Christ, we are being transformed body and soul. There's no part of life that Christ isn't intent on renewing and transforming. No part of life cordoned off from his work in the life of the Christian. I love how Paul hits on several of these points in his letter to Titus. For example, in Titus 2 11-14, he writes this, "For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness, and to purify for himself a people for his own possession, who are zealous for good works. What is the grace of God appeared to do? To bring salvation. A kind of salvation that trains us both to live in this present age even as we await the fullness of our blessed hope in the age to come. Since this great salvation of God touches on every part of what it

salvation that trains us both to live in this present age even as we await the fullness of our blessed hope in the age to come. Since this great salvation of God touches on every part of what it means to be human, I find it helpful to consider those different parts of our being. What is a human? There are many ways we could think about it or conceptually divide up a person into his or her constituent parts. You could talk about the heart, soul, mind, and strength, the body and the soul, the inner and the outer man, and many other mental models for understanding a person. In this series, we'll be working through four of the parts of what it means to be human. Four areas of life where a man or a woman can pursue excellence, fruitfulness, virtue, and honor in obedience to the Lord. Those are the physical, the spiritual, the social, and the vocational. In the physical, we'll talk about the body, physical fitness, nutrition, appearance, and generally taking care of ourselves in such a way as to be able to do our duties in the body with joy. In the spiritual, we'll talk about personal piety and virtue, spiritual disciplines, and the whole soul's pursuit of the life of faith. In the social, we'll talk about social graces, emotional aptitude, friendliness, hospitality, and more. the art and science of being a normal and likable person who is not super weird and awkward. And in the vocational, we'll talk about achievement, about

friendliness, hospitality, and more. the art and science of being a normal and likable person who is not super weird and awkward. And in the vocational, we'll talk about achievement, about pursuing excellence in your work, whatever it is that God has put in front of you to do. In this episode, we'll give you an overview of the series before taking an episode or two on each of the categories to go deeper and to get practical. Then in the series that follows, we'll talk about how to grow in excellence in each of these areas, as well as how to teach them to your children. In this introductory episode, we'll set things up with an overview of what we're hoping to accomplish with this one, as well as some foundational principles that apply to all of these four areas. To get at these, we'll ask and answer four questions about this series here in this introductory episode. The first is who is this series for? Second is what will it cover? Third is what are some of the guiding principles that inform our approach to each area? And then lastly, what are some ditches we need to keep our eye on in a series like this? We hope it's helpful to you. And here we go. [Music] >> Welcome back to our new season of Breitart. >> That's right, new series. Good morning. Good morning. >> Yes. Good morning. This is a This is a

>> Welcome back to our new season of Breitart. >> That's right, new series. Good morning. Good morning. >> Yes. Good morning. This is a This is a worldwide global first. Actually, first in the whole universe, a Brightarth recorded in the morning. Is that true? >> I think so. >> Did I make that up? >> No, I think you're right. I think you're right. >> I can't think of a possible situation in our lives where we would have been able to record in the morning. >> So, here we are. You guys may have, you probably actually don't know this, dear listener, because you uh are not in the room while we record, but with just the arrangement of our kids, the their ages and everything, it was getting pretty hard to find time that was actually possible to record in the evening for really two reasons. One, if it was early enough that we still had two brain cells to rub together, then our children were all conscious. And when our children are all conscious, it is very there's a lot going on. A lot of joy, a lot of gladness, but a lot going on. But then if we waited till we're too late, we didn't have two brain cells to rub together between us. So, >> correct. >> That didn't work either. Didn't work either. So, we have actually settled upon a brand new rhythm in our week. We sat down and went back to the drawing board and we said, "How can we do this better?" And we were able to figure out a way to uh record Brearth in the morning when we are fresh and frisky.

are also clinically insane >> and 5:00 a.m. is just like you wake up and you're like, I'm so happy to be here. >> I Okay, I told somebody this recently. I'm not happy necessarily. It's not like I'm super happy and cheerful. I just like to be awake and take that slow time waking up. >> Yeah. >> But if you're not a morning person, you kind of just have to get up and go. >> It's true. It's true. >> So, >> hey, we'll talk about this, I'm sure, at some point. Some of that that uh morning routine discipline at some point here. Um, but yeah, I'm excited for this new series. It's the idea for it was actually sparked in the middle of recording a King's Hall episode. >> Oh. And I was thinking about um people probably remember this if they listen to the King's Hall. Eric and I were talking about dating and courtship and I was I was trying to think of like what would I want to teach um my adolescent or young adult son or daughter who was having trouble finding a spouse? >> Like what are the things you can even focus on? >> And and I was thinking about it and me and Eric were talking and these four categories came to mind of these are these are things I'd want to coach my son or daughter on. It would be the physical. Penelope is wild and down there. It'd be the physical, the body. Uh it would be the uh the the soul like the the virtue that like you're actually insold. It would be your social grace. And then it would be your vocation. What are you doing in terms of seeking skill or

the physical, the body. Uh it would be the uh the the soul like the the virtue that like you're actually insold. It would be your social grace. And then it would be your vocation. What are you doing in terms of seeking skill or excellence as a man or a woman and the things that God has put in front of you to do? And the more I thought about it, the more I was like, this this is really good stuff for um someone in that situation to focus on because it's really good stuff for literally all of us to think about. They're they're big categories I think capture a lot >> of um of life of what it looks like to pursue excellence before the Lord. >> Amen. Penelopey. Penelope is really liking this introduction so far, I will say. And we just want to say thank you, Penelopey, for offering that feedback here. She's looking up at Lexi like I might start crying. You don't know. If you're like us, you're intentional with how you care for your family, what they eat, read, even how they rest. But most people don't realize chronic magnesium deficiency is common. That's why we use Humble Love's Magnesium Cream made by a husband and wife team. It's crafted with real, nourishing ingredients. No synthetics ever. Safe for the whole family, gentle for kids, and strong enough to bring deep relief. Make it part of your daily routine by visiting the humblelifetore.com. That's the humblelifetore.com

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to check out our partners at Indigos Sunundry Soap Company, you can find them at indigosundry soap.com. And hey, if you use code brethearth, all caps bright, you get 10% off your order. So check it out and subscribe to one of their regular deliveries today. So let's let's go ahead and jump into the meat of this episode here. I said we were going to work through this. This one just introduces the whole series. We're going to lay some principles and things like that that are helpful to remember for all of these areas. Um, but let's just start with this question of who is this for in particular? And I think I've started getting at it already, but the kind of annoying answer is that it's for everyone. >> I think with some of these categories, it's very clear that there's been a gap in passing down an inheritance. So this is kind of a body of knowledge and wisdom that all of us can find something to gain from. >> Yeah. I like the initial idea was for those single people who haven't been able to find a spouse and they want to know how to improve themselves. use that time of singleness as a time for focus betterment which I think is worth mentioning here up front that if you're in that situation these are particularly helpful categories and you are in a stage of life where you have the ability in some ways to focus on them yes >> in an undistracted way. Now, aspects of these the Lord tends to use things like marriage and children as well to temper

for those as well. Um it's for homemakers, it's for breadwinners. It's really like this there's there are helpful things here because it's about being human for men and women for leaders and those who are not leaders kind of for everyone. Um so we're hoping that this one is like last one was rules for homemakers. This one's actually is relevant. All of it's very relevant for homemakers in particular, but it's also relevant for kind of all of us. Just there's really not there are not many people who wouldn't be benefited by thinking of these categories before. Um, let's talk a little bit about that second question, what the series will cover and just get a little bit I want people to be really clear going into it. What are we aiming in each of these categories to address? Because there's a way that when I say the physical, people could be like is well does that include like all physical things like the world? No, I'm we're actually just talking about the body. So in the physical, like I said, we'll be talking about the body, physical fitness, nutrition, appearance, um just generally taking care of ourselves in a way that we can have seek strength and longevity in the duties that God has given us. What things come to mind for you that you hope that we can talk about and address uh concerning the physical? >> Um, I think there's like a

longevity in the duties that God has given us. What things come to mind for you that you hope that we can talk about and address uh concerning the physical? >> Um, I think there's like a a lot of really simple, free, not much effort type tricks women specifically have either forgotten about or just underestimate or just don't even know. I think something I've been thinking about now that like my parents are members at Refuge. >> Mhm. >> And it's only been a few years of that that I'm realizing, oh, even though I was more of the tomboy for a long time, there's a lot of stuff my mom passed down to me that's just like supernatural because she's an aesthetician. So that's what my mom >> very super natural to Lexi, not like >> Yes. like it just it came more naturally to me because I had a mother that >> very classic beauty type style that I just kind of take for granted that I grew up knowing or understanding that now that a lot of my friends my age are getting to know my mom. It's like, oh, this wasn't normal for women to have mothers who cared to do their hair or that taught them to do their makeup or how to put together an outfit. And I just kind of because I wasn't I'm not super girly so I have

mothers who cared to do their hair or that taught them to do their makeup or how to put together an outfit. And I just kind of because I wasn't I'm not super girly so I have had to still learn this in some ways but I just kind of like uh didn't value that quite as much and I didn't realize that it was something to value so highly because it's just something my mom did. >> Yeah. When you when you're used to something >> Yes. >> it's just normal to you. >> Yes. >> And then you look out and you go >> everyone's mom didn't teach them all this stuff. >> Yeah. >> Like oh it was actually a huge gift. >> Yes. Correct. That's what I've been realizing more and more is like this this is a really big gift. >> So when we talk about physical like we really do mean >> very practical even on that level. Like let's talk about beauty. Let's talk about why it matters. What are the the ditches obviously scripture warns against when it comes to beauty and the external adornment of the body and >> like there are many ditches there but there are also ways that we can heir in the the other direction and become kind of gnostic. >> Mhm. and deny the usefulness of the body or even just kind of fail to read the book of nature as well that God God wrote the book of nature and the book of scripture and and nature teaches us many things about masculinity and femininity and comeliness and like some of those some of those things. So definitely there we're going to talk a lot about physical fitness and nutrition >> and and doing so not as like

scripture and and nature teaches us many things about masculinity and femininity and comeliness and like some of those some of those things. So definitely there we're going to talk a lot about physical fitness and nutrition >> and and doing so not as like people who have historically been obsessed with these things. These for us are more things that we have just we treat them kind of like taking care of your house like everybody has to do it but we're not professional builders you know >> it's that kind of level that all of us have to deal with these things >> not professional no >> not professional stuff definitely definitely not >> no but I mean I have grown seven children and I've stayed mostly in shape I feel like most of the time >> yeah there's a lot I think there that will be helpful to talk Yeah, >> practically how how did how did you do that? What was tough about it? Like what things made it easier? We'll talk about strength. Um like we we said generally taking care of ourselves in a way is to be able to do our duties in the body. So on each of these categories, it might be one episode, it might be three in that section on the body and then the spirit and then like moving through these categories, but we're not going to call our shot ahead of time exactly how many because if something comes to mind while we're recording or planning it out, we don't want to be locked in. So I we have at least two episodes so far outlined on the physical self, but that's kind of what you can expect. And I do want to

whole soul's pursuit of the life of faith. And what are the like we need to nourish our bodies, we need to exercise our bodies, but we also need to nourish our souls. me to make sure that we have in in in set ourselves up in a way that um we would have long-term spiritual longevity is a way that you might think about it. And here I think about like the analogy between the two, the physical and the spiritual is helpful because just like in the physical there are many crash diets and fads and crazy things that come in and out like all of a sudden everybody's on ompic and if you are I'm not I have literally have very little opinion on it because I have really very little knowledge of it. But you know the these waves of things come in >> and then people tend to op we tend to be like this as people. >> We're like I'm overweight. I need to fix this in 15 minutes or in two weeks I have to, you know, go to this beach party. Let me be in my best beach bod by then. I'm going to need more than two weeks. So like that in the spiritual a lot of times we do fits and starts where we we like race race. We adopt 15 new things and then we they just all crash to the ground. So there we're going to want to talk about personal piety, spiritual disciplines, and and these things in a way that is um like that everyday nourishment, the daily rhythm,

to the ground. So there we're going to want to talk about personal piety, spiritual disciplines, and and these things in a way that is um like that everyday nourishment, the daily rhythm, weekly rhythm, monthly rhythm, yearly rhythm of the life of faith. >> Yeah. I don't know. A couple years ago when I was getting more serious about strength training specifically that verse and is it first Timothy about >> bodily training be of some value? >> Being of some value. Yes. I remember I had always kind I've almost always heard it like trying to downplay the physical. >> Oh, sure. It's just some >> after having had multiple births that were natural, understanding how much like the self-control and willingness to go through pain from that really benefited self-control in other areas of life. Yeah, >> it I read that verse differently for the first time where I was like, I actually do need to pursue the physical discipline of the body because it's going to benefit me spiritually and mentally and emotionally. Like I've seen it now because of birth. >> Yeah. >> So, we need to actually use that and channel that. So, I'm saying that in regards to like spiritual disciplines just because you kind of can't separate the two. >> Yeah. >> I feel like more and more as I >> Totally. The muscles are related. Yeah. And I did see immediate benefit of like, okay, if you had the self-discipline to work out this morning, you sure as heck better have the self-discipline to get

>> I feel like more and more as I >> Totally. The muscles are related. Yeah. And I did see immediate benefit of like, okay, if you had the self-discipline to work out this morning, you sure as heck better have the self-discipline to get the right tone of voice when talking to the toddler, right? And that's literally how I talked to myself. And it was of benefit spiritually as well. >> Yeah. It's funny because bodily discipline is spiritual discipline. Like these things are interwoven. We're separating them conceptually so that we can think about them in its isolation. But when you are disciplined over your your physical body and saying, "I will discipline what I eat. I will discipline what I do so that my body can obey the Lord," you're exercising rule over your body. >> Yeah. >> Rule over your spirit, over your desires. And so when you work in one of these areas, you will often find benefits all of a sudden popping up. Like and this is true in all of these when you work on your social graces. The way that we are talking about that is not just like a kind of here's some wooden rules for how to win friends and influence people but it is love in trifles. It's love that is um applied in the context of social situations. And what you'll find is that people who love really well they are socially graceful. Even if they're introverted, extroverted, they'll have their own personality. But people who really love well, they tend to grow more and more in

what you'll find is that people who love really well they are socially graceful. Even if they're introverted, extroverted, they'll have their own personality. But people who really love well, they tend to grow more and more in this social ability because it's again it's we're one complex person all woven together. And uh so it's we should expect to see fruit across the board in these things. Anything else there spiritual? I was thinking about the spiritual too. One other thing um that I that I I hope that we can talk about and and work through it's just like this concept of daily spiritual rhythm kind of like I know it was really overused for a while in the uh >> I know what you're going to say. >> The liturgy thing. >> Yes. you know how everything was a liturgy and I'm I got really tired of that really quickly but because it was like the liturgy for ordering fast food but but there is such thing as ordering your day so that you're not having to make one principle that will kind of go through all these things is that and I didn't even write it down it's I'm really preempting the next section whatever I'm going to go hog wild right now and get out of my outline But one principle that's very helpful on the spiritual, the physical, the social, the vocational is that you want to set

and I'm going to do that and I'm going to pray for specific things for them. almost almost every day they hear dad and dad is praying for them for specific things. It wasn't a decision I make every day. I made a decision one time and then I do it. There are things Lexi does. Um things like the school that we've built into the life of the family that are connected to spiritual disciplines and other disciplines as well. But the principle is when I'm sober minded, when I have my kingly ruling hat on, um I'm going to plan from the mountaintop looking down over the estate how does this thing need to look and what what decisions now will produce that outcome over a long time. And I'm sure you do the same thing in a million different ways. >> Yeah. Yeah, I guess I've never thought about it that way, but I think the liturgy I remember talking with a group of ladies at church about this recently that it was kind of like, you know, we're not as consistent in spiritual disciplines as we would like to be. And I just kind of mentioned like looking at it like a liturgy. Think about the different elements of the liturgy that we run through at church. And they all know that cuz they're all there on Sunday. >> And just think about how well, how can I mimic that liturgy at home? M >> do I have a time where I'm reading scripture? Do I have a time where I'm confessing prayer? Like we have that in the Sunday liturgy. Why not just reflect it at home? >> So I do think that like the idea of a liturgy can really help people. >> Yeah, it really can. I'm making fun of it because it was part of the whole like >> I know. Oh, I totally I totally totally get it.

>> So I do think that like the idea of a liturgy can really help people. >> Yeah, it really can. I'm making fun of it because it was part of the whole like >> I know. Oh, I totally I totally totally get it. >> It's really fun. >> And it's also helpful too. I've heard Elizabeth Elliott in talking about Sunday liturgy where she would be so thankful to go to high liturgy churches because the liturgy was like a peg on the wall that she could hang her emotions on. >> Yeah. >> Whether or not she felt like those things were true that day, they were confessing with the whole body of believers throughout all of Christian history. We believe these things >> about this person. >> Whether or not I mentally ascent to that today, I'm still confessing it is true. So, I think it's I I think that it's a good um not binder, but like a it hems you in as a Christian, too. >> Yeah. It's like walls. It's like rules. It's like fences. >> Yeah. >> It keeps you in the pasture, right? >> Yep. Exactly. >> So, you you make the decision when you build the fence and then you don't think about the fence anymore. The fence is there. >> That's the way that some of these things work. So there there's a principle that we'll you'll find throughout this series, but that's a helpful one to hang your hat on. And remember, think what kind of decisions can I make today? What fences can I build? What systems can I build that will keep me from having to make a hundred good decisions a day to have a good day? >> Or a hundred or a thousand good

on. And remember, think what kind of decisions can I make today? What fences can I build? What systems can I build that will keep me from having to make a hundred good decisions a day to have a good day? >> Or a hundred or a thousand good decisions a week to have a good week. >> Such a good way to think of it. I've never thought about it that way. Very few people, and let me just almost boil it down. Almost nobody is able to make a hundred good decisions a day. >> Yeah. >> Think about eating. If you wait to think about food until you're hungry, will you make good decisions about your nutrition? Probably not. >> You'll probably go, "What's the nearest Chipotle or Chick-fil-A, and can I get them to Door Dash?" you're going to make bad nutrition, financial, like lots of bad decisions because you you were hungry and then >> but if on, you know, Saturday you meal prepped for the week ahead and you were like, I'm going to eat vegetables and rice and chicken for lunch at work this week in five different arrangements because that is what I need to be healthy and strong. >> You've just made one decision that made eliminated five decisions every day of the week. We need to think this way about all these aspects of life. Okay, let's talk about the social self and just the the the social category that we're going to be addressing here. We're going to we're going to speak to things like social grace, emotional aptitude, friendliness, hospitality, and more. We we're calling this the art and science of being a

the social category that we're going to be addressing here. We're going to we're going to speak to things like social grace, emotional aptitude, friendliness, hospitality, and more. We we're calling this the art and science of being a normal and likable person who is not super weird and awkward. Okay? Lest you think that here we're talking about just how to become a very fake plastic >> person that just follows lives by a set of social rules that kind of you know you're never authentic. We're literally talking about love here. >> Yeah. I think that's the biggest misunderstanding about this is people in order to be a person like what we're going to talk about there is a lot of spiritual fruit that has to grow >> right >> and I think we can be too quick to say like that person is fake or I don't know must be oppressing someone somewhere or something >> the mythical oppressive man out there who can't possibly have a wife that just enjoys serving. >> Yes. and being hospitable. And so there's so much here. I suspect we'll do several episodes under this social category um talking about how to just become a more normal. I don't mean normal in like the spirit of the age normal, but >> no, >> normal in terms of this is a person who just seems to be comfortable in their own skin, who seems to know what they're for and how to serve other people, >> how to interact with other people,

>> That's a lot like it's we're not saying you just hate people. You're really not very loving. >> But learning >> um the the point is that when something is a skill issue doesn't mean it's also not a love issue. Because if you love other people, you will seek to grow in the skills that help you to love other people >> even if it it feels awkward to you. I think that's the biggest thing with this one is it's going to feel awkward. So, most people just won't do it. >> But that shows you don't actually value the other person enough to walk through awkwardness for them, >> right? >> Let alone like laying down your life for them. >> Yeah, that's right. And then under hospitality or under the social, we'll also talk about hospitality cuz this is related like being hospitable. Um, and here we've um, we have several friends who are just very good at this that we've learned from as well and like take notes. >> We actually just recorded an episode about it that everybody should go listen to. >> Where was that? >> I think it was on the Hardman podcast. I think that's the feed that I found it in. And it was face to face. >> Oh, it was Tate and Ethan. >> And Ethan Sin. >> Yes. Those two gentlemen. They uh talked about >> they talked about a book that >> I think most of us in church leadership at Refuge have read >> and we'll we'll talk about that book as well when we get here. >> It's really good on friendship too. >> Yes. >> Um so hospitality that'll be social as well social grace that sort of thing friendliness how to be a friend how to make a friend these sorts of things.

well when we get here. >> It's really good on friendship too. >> Yes. >> Um so hospitality that'll be social as well social grace that sort of thing friendliness how to be a friend how to make a friend these sorts of things. Lastly is the vocational. Um, so in in here we're talking about achievement, pursuing excellence in your work. Whatever God has put in front of you, I'm thinking about like the proverb, do you see a man skilled in his work, he will stand before kings, he will not stand before obscure men. And this is true of all vocations. So the homemaker has a vocation as well. Um, do you see a woman skilled in her work of homemaking? She will stand before kings, not before obscure men. I think that that is true as well. So for whether you're a man or a woman, whether you're married or whatever stage of life you're in, you have a vocation. And we often don't think about this very clearly. Um Ari just went through this, our oldest with you in he's coming into this secondary school age and we've been talking about and I've talked with him about it too, looking at his jobs he's starting to get and just like what is what are his vocations? Um, and for him it's like, well, he's a student. That's a vocation that he has. And he's a son. He can go through these different areas of life and think about what duties God has assigned him in that vocation and how to pursue excellence in them. >> So, there are there's a lot of help there. But what under vocational, what

through these different areas of life and think about what duties God has assigned him in that vocation and how to pursue excellence in them. >> So, there are there's a lot of help there. But what under vocational, what are you what are you thinking about? What kind of things come to mind um to cover in this series? I guess I have been thinking about it a lot with our kids because of Ari being in junior high now and having more time management >> that falls on his own shoulders >> and with the kids. I don't know if we've talked much about this on Brearth, but at St. Brendan's um two big changes happened this year is children are no longer at school on Fridays. parents are like kind of taking that day back to we are dedicating it to vocational training for our children and that's kind of part of the goal of it, right? >> Yeah. We went to a 4-day school week this year so that we could have a couple things. One of them being especially as kids get older, they can have vocational training. And the young men could start working in businesses with men in the church. The young women could start home in at home as well. And there's more to that that we could talk about, but because we also went to a girls school, boys and girls school in the secondary, and the girls are actually only in school 2 days a week, >> so that they're at home much more. >> Um, but part of that as well was just >> getting families more time to >> pursue these, >> be all together and and and recreate as

school 2 days a week, >> so that they're at home much more. >> Um, but part of that as well was just >> getting families more time to >> pursue these, >> be all together and and and recreate as well as >> thinking about that with Ari, but also with Daphne. um just even like walking around last week looking at fabric and thinking of of the cost of projects and just like but I don't like if this is her vocation that I'm setting her up for I don't have the option to not provide her with the tools and that's kind of something and even like yesterday you had to go out and get Arya a gun and so I've been thinking in terms of like >> how are we outfitting our children for the vocation because for for a lot of us that was neglected did 100%. So, we weren't given the tools or the information, right? >> And so, now I'm like thinking about I just not giving myself that option of like, well, Friday, like I love what Kevin said. He's like, Friday is not a movie day, parents, >> right? >> So, and I've been I've already said this. I've been going doing vocational training with Daphne for several months now and it's really going well. But now we're getting to the stage of like, okay, but we're going to get the tools. We're going to start doing the things. So this has all been in my mind in terms of what I'm doing to prep my children for that. >> Yeah. You think about like many >> not just in previous generations but in current generations like we've learned

am a pastor. I am an engineer. I am whatever it is that you do. If you're thinking about these vocations in terms of in God's providence assignments from God that come with attendant duties for you to do and pursue with excellence, you will tend to be thinking rightly about them and behave rightly and with respect to them. >> Yeah. And if you've never thought about this before, it's how you it's how you kind of set up your life in such a way that you realize, wow, I'm really not doing too well at this vocation. >> Yeah. >> I need to be better at inviting people over or I need to be better at >> being a cheerful worker for my boss who, you know, doesn't come back with the snarky comment all the time because because scripture tells us how to live out these vocations. That's right. >> So, it's not like we're coming up with this on our own. It's I'm thinking, what kind of a Christian does scripture tell me I need to be? >> That's right. >> What kind of a church member does it tell me I need to be? What kind of a son or daughter does it tell me I need to be? What kind of a wife? >> Yeah. >> So, that's how you need to be thinking about. We We're going to obviously do a whole bunch of episodes on this, but >> Yep. whole bunch of episodes on this. Vocation and uh stuff like that. So, those are the categories that we're going to be talking through. The physical, the spiritual, the social, and the vocational. When you have a busy house, the immediate demands of activities, events, and neverending to-do lists can overshadow critical long-term decisions.

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talk now through this third question. Some of the guiding principles. What are the guiding principles that will inform our approach to each area? And the first one, I'll just open us up, is that in principle, we want to love you enough to tell you hard things. So this is this is a lost art, I think, in our culture and in church culture generally, but in culture broadly, that I think we've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again. People have been trained to avoid hard conversations such that they end up having to have one really massively catastrophic conversation every 2 years >> because they didn't have a thousand slightly uncomfortable conversations over those 3 years. has happeneds in parenting where parents see something in their 11year-old and they fail to address it until it's a fully grown fault and a fully grown bad habit that they now have to address in a catastrophic way at 17. >> Mhm. >> In a marriage, a wife has some dissatisfaction. She's mad about something. She's annoyed about something. And rather than addressing it, figuring out if it's an offense to cover, something to address, whatever it is, addressing it, dealing with it, moving on, she waits until it's this she's lost all respect for her husband, and now it's catastrophic. So, we love you enough to tell you hard things. Meaning that some of some of the series, I'm sure there are going to be

rude to you. We're just trying to say like >> and I say this as someone who it's not easy for me. There is a morbidly obese person inside of me trying to get outselves about these different >> categories. kids like, >> "Yeah, >> we So there's an example where we want to love you enough to tell you hard things because a lot of times it's actually in accepting the hard truth. This thing that's off about my life is my fault. >> Even though there's excuses and there's other people that made it that maybe they sinned against me and made it easier for me to screw up in this area, my parents or whatever, the schools, etc., blah blah the government. But uh even if the the FDA really screwed up all the food and nutrition stuff for the last 50 years, I'm still responsible for not being morbidly obese. >> Yeah, it's so helpful to me to realize that I'm the problem because it means I can fix it to a large extent. like when I was, you know, postpartum and thinking about schedules and going over other schedules with friends and it just dawned on me. I'm like, you know, >> there's a whole >> 2our nap time where I don't need to be sitting the whole time. Like, sure, in the past that has I've been able to I'm in a season of life where I can't. So, guess what? If I could get at least six extra hours of work done in the house a week, we'd probably be in tip-top shape. You were the problem, Lexi. >> And it's it was like, oh, I can handle that. >> That's easy. And then you find yourself less stressed and anxious >> because I'm taking responsibility

You were the problem, Lexi. >> And it's it was like, oh, I can handle that. >> That's easy. And then you find yourself less stressed and anxious >> because I'm taking responsibility because it's not, oh, it's the kids, they're so messy or the husband or the schedule or what's expected of me out of the house. No, it's you. Change you. >> If you never read your Bible and pray and don't give to your church and don't go to church more than twice a month, it's your fault. >> Yes, it is. >> You just like we're going to tell you that kind of thing through through this because we need to tell it to ourselves. When I posted about this on Twitter recently, I hope a lot of at least what I've tried to do, especially in my book, is >> show that you can be frank and friendly at the same time. >> Yes. >> And that often times being frank is being friendly to the person >> cuz you're actually being helpful. >> Yes. >> So, >> shout out to Lex's book, Wisdom on Her Tongue. If you haven't picked up a copy, newchristendimppress.com/wisdom. If you like Brearth and you like what we do, that's a great way to support the show. if you can't jump on Patreon or whatever, but you can buy a copy of the book that that definitely supports the show and also it's it's just helpful. It's frank and friendly on these issues of marital communication. Just shameless plug. Okay. Anyway, moving on. I love being the one who didn't write the book so that I can just shamelessly plug your book. >> Unless did you write? >> Every time I think about it, do people think I wrote the book? >> Yes. Cuz there's no possible way his

being the one who didn't write the book so that I can just shamelessly plug your book. >> Unless did you write? >> Every time I think about it, do people think I wrote the book? >> Yes. Cuz there's no possible way his wife could actually believe that that's how you live out a godly marriage. Well, I wrote parts of the book, like the part that said it was the introduction by me and then the the conclusion. >> I knew somebody would think that just because No, people I've said this, people like me just don't exist in a feminist worldview. So, >> they think that you're a hired actress. >> Yes. Yes. >> Michael Foster once had people claim that his wife was a hired actress, which is pretty funny. Okay, here's another principle um that that will shoot through all these categories. If you want to grow in some area, you have to focus on practical and actual obedience, not mere theory, model polishing, and abstraction. Okay? So what we're trying to do is there there may be even a whole episode or there may be parts of episodes where there's big principles that are, you know, weighty and hopefully beautiful and they're they're a joy to consider these principles and think about them and all of their nuance and you could write an essay on them and you could know them very well. But are you obeying them? and how do you obey them? Cuz a lot of times Christians give big principles but then they don't explain how to obey them. So we want to

write an essay on them and you could know them very well. But are you obeying them? and how do you obey them? Cuz a lot of times Christians give big principles but then they don't explain how to obey them. So we want to do both the principle but also the practical like just no literally if you do this it will work and sometimes we avoid that. >> Mhm. >> Where like the nutrition's a great example too. Well the principle is like don't overeat. Great. Cool. That's helpful. What is overeating? What should I be eating? And there are actual answers to this that are true for 98% of human beings. >> Yeah. >> So, here you go. We're going to try to give you the practical. >> You in all of these areas, you should start by assuming you are a person who falls under the rule. >> Don't automatically assume that this is not going to work for you. >> Oh, yeah. So, true. I see there's lots I see people all the time that are like, "No, trust me. I only I've only eaten 800 calories a day for the last three months and I gained three pounds. And I'm like, my brother or sister in Christ, you did not only eat 800 calories a day and gained 3 lbs in 3 months. It is physically impossible. You are not magical. >> I have a study for that, but we'll wait till we get to that episode. >> We'll get there. We'll get there. So,

you move from the abstract to the particular, that's when people tend to get offended. >> Yes. Yes. And so I'm just letting you know we are going to move from the abstract to the particular and where it hurts your feelings. This is my question. This is my request for you. Before you freak out, just take a minute and ask if A, we're telling the truth. If we're lying, then you can disregard anything we say. If we're lying 100%. But B, just ask, am I defensive about this thing because I'm wrong? and it would be hard to change and I would have to admit that I have been wrong for some time about something. We all have to do that. This is part of sanctification. So the request is don't freak out. Just sit with it. You can tell us if you think we're totally wrong. That's fine. You won't hurt our We've been wrong about things. We'll say probably wrong things at some point in this series, but just I'll give you that. Anything to add there? >> We seek to be hard to offend. So >> it's true. It's it's very true. Okay. Another principle. The goal always needs to be a contented heart seeking excellence to the glory of God and the good of your people. Not vain ambition, vain glory, pride, or anything else. >> Is this where you were talking yesterday about God's providence? Cuz that was Yeah, >> I thought that was Is this part of >> Well, actually, that's the next one. It's related. >> Sorry. >> No, that's fine. Go. You're >> No. Yeah. Yeah. Say So, say what you

>> I thought that was Is this part of >> Well, actually, that's the next one. It's related. >> Sorry. >> No, that's fine. Go. You're >> No. Yeah. Yeah. Say So, say what you said one more time. >> Okay. The goal needs to be a contented heart. >> Contentment. >> And contentment is the heart that looks at all of its circumstances and says, "Thank you, Lord. You are wise and appointing the providence of my life right here." >> That's why I was thinking of it providentially. So these categories are like one in my life. >> Very related. >> Yeah. >> And and so from contentment, we seek excellence to the glory of God. >> Not vain ambition, which is like wildly discontent heart that's anxious and >> often proud and arrogant. I see. And it's seeking excellence as a way of making itself a better idol to worship. >> Yes. >> Instead of a contented heart that says um for example, >> we're going to talk about phys physical beauty at different points. >> And maybe you say >> this vain heart that is has an ungodly ambition. It's like >> I want to be the hottest woman in my church so that everyone will look at me in despair, you know, so that they will all think I'm the hottest. Well, that's dumb. That's totally different from saying, "Lord, you gave me the body and the the appearance that I have, and I'm content with your giving that to me. Whether I am the most beautiful or the least beautiful, I'm content with that. What I'm going to do, Lord, is seek for the sake of, for example, in this case, my husband. I want to be beautiful for

the the appearance that I have, and I'm content with your giving that to me. Whether I am the most beautiful or the least beautiful, I'm content with that. What I'm going to do, Lord, is seek for the sake of, for example, in this case, my husband. I want to be beautiful for my husband. >> I want to take care of myself for my children to give them a good example. So, I'm going to seek to be beautiful in that way >> with a contented heart the whole way. Totally different things even though they might do similar things. >> Yeah. >> Both women might go get their hair cut in a pretty way and one of them is sinning and one of them is not. >> Yeah. I was even thinking of like the spiritual disciplines and mothers like, "So, what if you get your spiritual quiet time, but you were nasty to your kids the whole time in order to get it?" >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like that's actually a violation of this principle. >> Absolutely. >> Because you're not being content in the fact that this season might just be me listening to the Bible read aloud while I'm stirring a pot of oatmeal. And that's okay. I don't get to journal my heart out right now. >> Okay. >> I want excellence in planning my home and executing a schedule. But then I go and I do it in pride and arrogance and rudeness and I steamroll everybody to make them conform to the schedule. And I never have any flexibility. Again, two people can have a schedule. One to the glory of God and one to the, you know, to their shame. >> So, the goal needs to be a contented heart. When we're talking about these areas, this is a huge temptation.

people can have a schedule. One to the glory of God and one to the, you know, to their shame. >> So, the goal needs to be a contented heart. When we're talking about these areas, this is a huge temptation. Contentment begins with it can admit that there's been sin or wrongdoing that it itself has committed or someone against, you know, and yet it can say, "I'm content. I'm at peace with God appointing this providence." And even now even in seeking excellence or seeking change or seeking repentance >> doing it from contentment not so that if I can get this thing or if I can achieve this then I will be content then I will be happy then I will be pleased with the Lord I will be thankful no we start with thankfulness with contentment and then we pursue to the glory of God >> in any of these areas >> excellence >> and that's like that's part this is why it's this is why you can't separate the physical from the spiritual is because as you're pursuing often times s these physical things, the ability to sit and read and pray in the morning, a better diet, um these, you know, actual physical manners that you're exerting at the dinner table, you have to have that spiritual fuel behind it or it will all fizzle out. You have to have the thankfulness there, the contentedness there, taking you >> to the path of sanctification. Does that make sense? And last principle, this is the one I think you were you're talking about that we were discussing yesterday, is that growth often requires an understanding

Like, I'm not as good at and I've played tennis like a total of about 15 times my whole life at this point. But there's a part of me, and I think every man has this, that I think I could beat a bear >> in a fight in the woods if I needed to, that I could land a 747 if the pilot became incapacitated. And so they and and I could get up there and, you know, radio in and I could land a 747. I'm wildly convinced of this. >> And that I could beat Benjamin Khan at tennis. Now, >> none of these none of these things are true, >> okay? really. But and they're silly examples, but this is a serious issue like you have to begin with the right understanding of yourself. >> Yep. >> If you're going to make progress in a thing. >> Yes. Yeah, that's true. You have to Yep. If you if you want measurable progress, you have to know where you actually do stand. And I think it can be helpful to get advice from spouses or parents or, you know, really close friends. Don't just open up the >> the chat for everyone. drop a comment >> because that won't be helpful. But >> people who know you, >> yes, >> what am I what are my biggest weaknesses? >> And the thing is painful like we this that there are regular points in my life where people tell me things about like this and I even remember a recent conversation. They're like, "Brian, you do this thing." I think it was it was almost certainly Eric and Kevin Love. They're like, you know, "Hey, Brian, you and Kevin Griffin." Actually, just they

this and I even remember a recent conversation. They're like, "Brian, you do this thing." I think it was it was almost certainly Eric and Kevin Love. They're like, you know, "Hey, Brian, you and Kevin Griffin." Actually, just they they all have to tag team me. Apparently, I'm hard-headed. And uh they're like, "You do this thing. It's uh really not great and it's making you less effective." I was like, "Let me consider that." >> And it's really funny because the thing is like related to >> just steamrolling people and thinking you're right, >> which I don't know where they're getting this, first of all. >> Okay. >> But I uh I thought about it and I was like, "They're totally right. I do this exact thing." And Eric even explained why I did it. He was like, "This is why you do it." And I was like, "Wow, that is crazy. You are exactly right." And it was a moment of self-awareness that was helpful. Because it was like maybe six, four, six months ago. And and since then, I've been able to think going into these situations where this weakness tends to exhibit itself. I think like, "Hey, Brian, don't do that thing. Instead, do this other thing they told you to do." And I was like, "Lo behold, it's better." So if I didn't have that self-awareness about that thing, how am I going to improve in it? But only people that really know me can provide that valuable help. >> And if you're really easy to offend,

self-awareness about that thing, how am I going to improve in it? But only people that really know me can provide that valuable help. >> And if you're really easy to offend, >> nobody's going to want to give you that help. So you have to realize that with all these areas, you have got to seek to be hard to offend. >> Yes. Cuz your first instinct always make a Okay. So it requires an understanding of yourself as you are. But this is also very important as well as a reasonable understanding of yourself as you could be. And what I'm talking about here, this will be relevant to all these categories is that you have to understand that God has likely given you a range of possibility where there's a lower end and an upper end. Let's let's think about an example to make this concrete. Some people were born and in their bodies and their muscles and their genetics and their whatever it is, they have the ability in their body if they train correctly and eat correctly and do all this stuff that they could run a sub4minute mile. That is not true of every person on earth. Okay? H some people though that's the that's the upper end. They could run a 3 minute 40 secondond mile if if they really did all that wrong. But that doesn't mean they're going to. They have to do all of those things to be able to do that. They might be run an 11minute mile and be out of shape because they

minute 40 secondond mile if if they really did all that wrong. But that doesn't mean they're going to. They have to do all of those things to be able to do that. They might be run an 11minute mile and be out of shape because they just they allowed themselves to slide to the lower end of their range. And yet for them, they might stand up and with no training still be able to run a 9-minute 11-minute mile. And someone else who's actually trying to has a hard time doing that. Okay. Um not everybody is is going to be able to be the most handsome or beautiful man or woman in a hundred. They could do everything right. They could work out. They could, you know, have good nutrition. They could be masculine, be feminine, do all that, and still not be the most attractive person in a group of 100. Okay? But they have a range. They can be more or less attractive. You can be more or less strong just because you're not able to win an Olympic gold medal at the top of your range. You may be more or less socially able. But the point is that everybody has a where I am today and then they also need to figure out within that range I could improve though >> and stop comparing yourself to the person who could get the Olympic medal in the thing and then give up. Yeah, that comparison thing too because it's like some people might be really natural at it, but some people you're comparing